Divorce Mediation at Bruce R Bekritsky, Attorney at Law
There are many different types of Divorce Mediators. Bruce is an experienced matrimonial and Family Law attorney. He attended Brooklyn Law School (Class of 1973). He also attended the prestigious National Institute of Trial Advocacy (NITA) where practicing lawyers are taught the fine nuances of litigation. In addition, he has completed forty hours of mediation training which made him eligible to join the Academy of Family Mediators, now a part of the Association for Conflict Resolution.
Bruce is a member of the New York State Bar Association, the Nassau County Bar Association Family Court Law & Procedure and Matrimonial Law Committees, the Nassau County Family Court Law Guardian Panel, and the Association for Conflict Resolution.
Bruce brings all of his experience as an attorney to the mediation, but, as a mediator, he cannot and will not represent either party individually.
A LESS PAINFUL PATH
Divorce Mediation is an active process in which a married couple, meeting with a Divorce Mediator, identifies and settles all the issues that need to be covered in their divorce. The result is a "Memorandum of Understanding" which can be presented to an attorney who will develop it into a formal separation agreement.
Your mediator will help you determine what it costs to live apart and, using that information together with the current income, help you determine the amount and duration of support. We will show you how the State Child Support Guidelines apply to your situation.
We will help you identify all of your marital assets, figure out their value, and help you divide them fairly.
We will help you make all of the future parenting decisions.
Mediation is conducted so that there should be no losers -- one spouse should not win at the expense of the other. Mediation lessens the hurt, the anger, and the frustration that usually accompany these negotiations.
Divorce by Mediation is a non-adversarial process helping people negotiate directly and dissolve marriages once the decision to divorce or separate is made. We provide you with the opportunity to negotiate mutually beneficial terms in total privacy.
Divorce by mediation helps identify key issues concerning the division of personal and real property, support, parenting, and plans for the future. It helps eliminate the painful win-lose atmosphere that is part of all adversarial divorces. The process is a mutual search for a reasonable solution; neither partner can win at the other's expense. Resolutions must emerge from the process with a settlement created and accepted by both. Mediation can also deal with specific limited issues such as times of access, what to do with the house, or other issues specified by you at the start.
Important aspects of DIVORCE BY MEDIATION:
- It is non-adversarial. You are partners in the decision-making.
- It is mutual. You both must agree on solutions, or there is no agreement.
- It helps clarify areas of conflict. Most couples have some conflict. The mediator helps you limit the conflict and discuss things productively.
- It gives you power. You control your own decision over your own lives.
- It is best for your children. All of the discussions are tempered by the fact that you are both parents of your children, and you will have a continuing relationship as parents after you have ended the spousal relationship. Most other forms of divorce negotiations forget the best interests of the children. In mediation it is always paramount. You owe it to yourself, your children, and your future to learn more about mediation.
COSTS AND FEES
Mediation can take as few as four to six hours or as many as twelve hours or more, depending on your needs. Mediation of specific issues or for couples without children is shorter. Fees are moderate and on an hourly basis. We charge no retainers. You pay only for the actual time you use. We ask that you share in the fees in a way that is appropriate to your situation, remembering that the mediator is working for both of you.
HOW TO PROCEED
Call Attorney Brubek to arrange a mutually convenient appointment for you and your spouse to come in for a consultation. At that time, a detailed explanation of how the proceed will be described. Both of you receive the same information. Therefore, each of you can rest assured that you will be on equal footing from the outset of the proceedings.
DIVORCE FACTS
Here are some basic facts about divorce.
New York is still a "fault grounds" state. This means that, unlike many other states, a person seeking divorce in New York must establish to the court that he or she has a good reason to obtain the divorce. Such claims such as "irreconcilable difficulties," while good law in other states, are insufficient as a basis of divorce in the Empire State. In fact, from 1787 until 1966, the only grounds for divorce in New York was adultery. The result was that many people established residency elsewhere in order to qualify for divorce. Even the first wife of then Governor Nelson Rockefeller went to live in Las Vegas, Nevada, for six weeks in order to divorce her husband.
Today the grounds for divorce in New York are:
- Adultery
- Cruel and Inhuman Treatment
- Abandonment for a prior of one or more years
- Imprisonment for three or more years
- Living Separate and Apart Pursuant to a Separation Agreement or Separation Decree for one or more years.
Some of the grounds are obvious. Some can be more complicated.
Cruel and Inhuman Treatment usually means that one of the parties hit or beat the other. The language of the complaint says that one party "engaged in conduct that so endangered the mental and physical well-being of (the other party) so as to render it unsafe and improper for the parties to cohabit (live together) as husband and wife." While mental cruelty might suffice, the party claiming it would have to bring in psychiatric evidence of the mental condition.
Abandonment means that one party packed his or her bags, walked out, never came back, and stayed away for at least one year before the action started. It, however, includes "constructive abandonment." Refusing to live together as husband and wife or unlawfully barring the other party from coming into the marital home constitutes "constructive abandonment" and is sufficient grounds for divorce.
Imprisonment for three or more years can be tricky. On the one hand, the defendant must have been in prison for a period of three years. On the other hand, New York has a five year statute of limitations for commencing a divorce action (except for adultery). This means that the case must begin within five years of the acts of which the plaintiff is complaining. The three years of imprisonment does not necessarily start at a definite time --- the third anniversary of the defendant's spouse's original incarceration --- and expire five years later. It does accrue continuously each and every day for an indefinite period of years or decades from the third anniversary of incarceration until five years after the imprisoned spouse's release from prison. In Covington v. Carlton , 786 N.Y.S.2d 409, 819 N.E.2d 1025 (2004), the highest court in New York State held that the statute of limitations does run from each day that the defendant was in jail. Therefore, even if a person were in jail for sixteen years, so long as he had been imprisoned for a full three of those years, the action would be timely if it were brought within five years of his release from jail.
Living separate and apart pursuant to a separation agreement or separation decree for one or more years are the conditions closest to no-fault grounds which New York has. Being separated pursuant to a judicial decree makes some sense when religion is an issue. Otherwise, a couple can be divorced for the same cost and effort as it takes to obtain a separation decree. Entering into a separation agreement, especially with the assistance of a Divorce Mediator, however, is a less expensive, less stressful, faster way to end a marriage. The couple enters into an Agreement, properly written and executed, and then lives separate and apart for a period of one year or more. All issues of the divorce, including division of property (such as the house), custody, visitation, support, maintenance (what we once called alimony), and all other issues are settled before anyone goes to court. While one of the parties still must file a divorce action, the court will grant the divorce, and all of the terms which were settled in the agreement will be incorporated into the divorce judgment.
If you have any question or comment please call Bruce R. Bekritsky for further information. Also, now you may be able to fill out the Contact Form for your concern.
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